i dont see a point of getting a tattoo when they say that i can't have it on my wrist because of future job problems. ankle maybe?

anyway, i bought two tops yesterday! finally, some new clothes for me. and i hate sales by the way.

our class got ourselves a new gay boy who follows us to the female toilet to pee. did i tell you that i'm loving school now? that i actually make an effort to go to school almost everyday? thats something good.

did you know that the reason why your shit is brown because of your dead red blood cells?

PSP or nietendo DS lite?
i wanna buy either one.

sorry for the random-ness.
thats how i'm feeling today.

i should now be emo and cry. or to say things that are meant to be directed at someone and decide that i dont want to talk about it anymore.

i need to sign dunfu up for swimming classes.

you dont know who i am.
what i'm about.
so dont judge because you have no right to.

and just when i thought that i was so over this phase.

dont keep silent.
dont keep it all bottled up.
cause when the bottle breaks.
you break.

my hair is too short to be true.
and now my hair is like drey's hair.

no more cryptic messages.
i'm sick of it.
you want to say something.
say it to someone's face.

my puke is going to come out any moment.
and i was really late for school.

i'm going to listen to bestfriend.
no relationships until i'm 21.
but i still can drink.

i want to have a dog. simply because i want to take care of something and love something. and that it can love me back.

rick,
you know what? you asked for this. you asked for all of this. because even as i tell you the truth in the face. you put yourself in denial. i didnt use you and throw you away. but maybe its time you woke up.

i should stop crying with all this overwhelming problems that i've come to face. rick, ben and somehow the class. this is not needed.

hiding in the school toilet and crying isnt all that good.
because it stinks in every sense of the word.

because i miss him.
his voice.
his laughter.
his smiles.

you're not that easy to get over.
and here i am missing every bit of you.

you smell even.

how do i get over this obsession of you?

i'm cutting myself away.

-i am still having cramps.
-i satisfied my peanut butter and jelly craving with waffles.
-is it okay now? are we okay?
-i'm going blind.
-class is funny. which is why i believe in classmates changing often.
-i'm feeling really blah.
-livejournal is really bland.

swimming on monday.
period please dont come.
i need to train dunfu so that he doesnt drown halfway during his biathalon.
and i dont know his swimming distance.

partial switch.

why are we still here shouldnt we have moved on?

i.hate.cramps.period.

there was one thing i've learnt yesterday. and i still dont understand why. is how someone can take abuse in a relationship. emotional abuse is alright because half the time, people dont know that they are going through it until its all over. namely me. but to take insults. slaps and bites for a year. and cheating for a year. and you still took it like a champion. you might really love her for all i know. i dont actually. but when you said that you won when you dumped her made me think otherwise. i guess i can never know whats on your mind. and maybe i dont intend to.

giving up is just so hard when his face keep appearing in you mind.
the new someone that i said in my previous post?
aint going to happen.
unless its Logan from Glimore Girls.
that is one guy i wouldnt mind giving up ben for.

new start.
new attitude.
new day.
new someone?

ARE YOU WATCHING ME?

he said that i was witty.

johann has made it into the category of HIMBO.
and he's outright vain.
thats for sure.

so just walk past me and dont notice that i'm here waiting for you.
make me wait and pine for you.
and now let me wake up.
cause you're not the one i'm looking for.

i cant believe how i walk all over town and still not be able to find the bag that i want. and the dunfu left me halfway when we were supposed to have dinner together.
sometime alone can be good therapy.

i'm in need to go to bugis and get bags and skinny jeans.
and new shirts too, because wardrobe for school seems to be depleting.
maybe its because i'm getting fatter.

are you there?
are you watching me?
as i lie here on this floor.
they say you feel what i do.
they say you're here every moment.
will you stay?
stay till the darkness leaves.
stay here with me.
i know you're busy.
i know i'm just one.
but you might be the only one who sees me.
the only one to save me.

why is it so hard?
why can't you just take me.
i dont have much to go.
before i fade completely.

can you feel how cold i am?
do you cry as i do?
are you lonely up there all by yourself?
like i have felt all my life.
the only one to save mine.

how are you so strong?
whats it like to feel so free?
your heart is really something.
your love, a complete mystery to me.

are you there watching me?
as i lie here in this floor.
do you cry?
do you cry with me?
cry with me tonight.
are you there?
are you watching me?

Irvine- by Kelly Clarkson.

somehow i think that its a really beautiful song. just the guitar and her voice. it really shows why she's a great singer. i just love the emotion and the huskiness of her voice.its an 8 min song with like a really long pause in the middle and a different kind of song comes in. maybe its the reason why i love her so much.

live journal was up since may.

add?
not yet.

because i'm crying so bad that its not funny.

• my phone got stolen for four hours ytd. which killed my chances for swimming and probably pissed sheryl off.
• i'm going to town later.

i'm so anti blogging now.
so let me drop dead and die.

life has become blah.

but one good thing though.
i've met up with best friend.
caught up with him.
i've missed him.

i met sebestian too.
happy girl now.

and i dont know why i blog when i have nothing to blog about.
thats jsut dumb.

comfort food is really needed at this point of time.

whats the point of running away when its all going to catch up with you?
whats the point of hiding in the dark when people are seeking the light?
whats the point of making the best of life when its a test from God?
whats the point of writing all these down when what i really want to do is to scream it out loud and run to you?
whats the point of me giving up when i still love you?
whats the point of me doing anything and everything when i have nothing?
whats the point of it all?

mass conversations totally make my day.

my ez-link card has been found.
i passed one out of two upgrades.
which is better than nothing.

so now is for me to wait for my furla wallet to be found and for him to tell me he loves me.
which will never happen.

"Who was your last?"
just be 100% truthful.

LAST PERSON:
1. You hung out with?
A: MY GIRLFRIENDS.

3. You were in a car with?
A: MY MUM AND AUNT.

4. Went to the movies with?
A: MY GIRLFRIENDS.

5. Went to the mall with?
A: MY MUM/BEN.

6. You talked on the phone with?
A: IMAH.

7. Made you laugh?
A: MY GIRLFRIENDS.

8. You hugged?
A: JARED.

9. You cried with?
A: my pillow.

WOULD YOU RATHER...?
1. Pierce your nose,tongue or lips or all three?
A: TONGUE.

2. Be serious or be funny?
A: FUNNY.

3. Drink whole or skim milk?
A: WHOLE.

4. Die in a fire or get shot?
A: GET SHOT AND DIE FASTER. LESS MESS.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
1. Sun or moon?
A: MOON.

2. Winter or Fall?
A: FALL.

3. Left or right?
A: RIGHT.

4. Sunny or rainy?
A: CLOUDY.

6. where do you stay?
A: AT HOME.

7. Favorite Song?
A: SOULMATE.

8. Do you want to get married?
A: I GUESS.

9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
A: TWIRL.

10. Do u know what am i talking about?
A: I GUESS.

11: Do u know wheres 12?
A: AFTER 11?

13. Do You Cook?
A: I GUESS.

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU...
1. Kissed someone?
A: NO.

2. Sang?
A: YEAH.

3. Been hugged?
A: NO.

5. Danced Crazily?
A: YEAH.

6. Cried?
A: YEAH.

7. Liked someone you can't have?
A: YEAH.

i dont know why everyone is going to change to livejournal.
oh my. what is wrong with blogger?

falling down in the middle of RP is just so unglam.
especially when i'm in the middle of doing something equally unglam.

let me just try this.

i'm so sadd worr.
wo want to cry le.
all this thinggs.
make me si bei du lan.

okay. this really doesnt work. i'm sorry, i'm just so tempted to try it out.

maybe to me you're dead. i dont know. i dont want to think of anything else at the moment. simply because i dont want to go through anymore hurt but what you never do. so its okay. i'll listen to my cute little scrotum. i'll grow up. look back at all this. and laugh because you arent worth my time.

i can't seem to go through my diet now. maybe its the stress that cause me to eat so much. being at coffeebean the whole day, i finished only one third of my PP, studied a little for my test. had many conversations with ross to help me wake up. a conversation with christie which lasted for a couple of mins cause the outlet was in need of a phone line. she's probably laughing her ass off because she was relaxing at home while i was stressing for a test. i missed talking to that bitch. but she can stop laughing now. because i'm going to pass! saiful is the one who's going to fail. and he has three upgrades whereas i have only two.

i ransacked all my bags. and i found sean's long lost belt. and he wants it back. the problem is. how?

so that change of my MSN nick means a change in me. i can't love the grimkeeper anymore. because i dont have the strength to do it anymore. all i can do is offer my friendship to him. and lets hope he accepts it.

appreciation. do i appreciate my friends enough? do they know that i do? i hope they do. cause i know i do.

this class is gay.

and i'm falling from grace.

i keep forgetting what i want to say. but i'm going to be gay. seriously gay. because guys are idiots.

somehow i'm regretting giving up because you're all i'm about.

dunfu gave me a diet to follow, meaning high fibre and low carbo. VEGGIES! thats why i really need help for this. my friends all know that i dont eat anything green. so i should force myself to eat my greens.
so i have to force myself to stop the urge to run into your arms?
i'm feeling so despondent. even if i tell the others to have their chin up and face the world, i can't seem to do it myself. i serious dont practice what i preach. and i'm keeping the phone away so that i dont read your messages to keep me from missing you. even the slightest.

its a burden i carry since i decided to give up.
but ben, i dont know how i'm going to give up at all.

if all your strength is gone,
i'll carry you until you're strong.


loves.

reasons why im giving up.

• its getting really tiring.
• its clearly not meant to be.
• i never know whats going on in your mind.
• sometimes love just aint enough.
• everything seem to remind me of you and it hurts.
• i'm sick of getting hurt.
• i hate your hot/cold attitude.
• i really need to concentrate on my studies.
• and all these are just excuses because i'm a coward, choosing only the easy way out.
• but did i mention that i'm seriously tired?

by tired i mean really emotionally tired. i should stop giving and see if i get something in return. actually, i shouldn't be expecting anything. because the moment you expect something. well, be prepared for disappointment.

so i wont expect anything.

okay, if you want people to read your blog, type in english!
not some kind is ah-lian language where we take a few seconds to try to understand what you're writing.

i lost my ez-link card again.

and i've seriously given up. no point eh?

IF THERE'S A SOULMATE FOR EVERYONE.

here is the day maybe he's been waiting for.

the day that i give up. on all hopes and on everything. i really do believe in love. and i really do believe that love will kind a way. like how Peter Parker and Mary Jane come together in the end. like how Rogue and Gambit still remain in love. like how Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann love each other even though they can only see each other once every ten years.
i know that all this only happens in movies. but it can happen in real life too.
i can believe in all of this. but somehow, i just feel that it isnt meant for me.

i just dont know what to do. and i know that i told myself that i shouldnt just give up. but all i see is myself going around in circles. and these circles never end. and i'm never going to find the perfect fit. so i'll just stop.

like what i told shanie, last sem was supposed to mark the last day i tried.

Theme song.

The theme song of my life seems to be the hardest article I have to do so far. I’ve been going through my iTunes and I find so many songs that reflects who I am. My life has been based on music, coming from the family where music is everywhere. My grandmother sings almost everyday at home and winning multiple awards doing us very proud. My mother has piles of CDs, from Bee Gees to Madonna to Anita Mui. I grew up listening to my grandmother’s singing, Mariah Carey, The Carpenters and to The Little Mermaid. I memorized every single song on every Disney cartoon I ever had.

I’m sure everyone has their fair share of musical embarrassments. I had mine too. Since I was from an English speaking family, Chinese was my worst subject. But since boybands was all the rage back then, I wanted to fit in. so I bought 5566 CDs and tried to memorize the songs and tried to know everything I could about them. Looking back at it now, buying those records didn’t let me fit in, it just made me waste so much of money, time and effort and I learnt nothing at the end of it all.

Now I have to think of a theme song about my life and give and explain why I chose this song. It is not the easiest task to do since I have a whole lifetime of songs to choose from. So after scrolling through every single song I have in my laptop, I finally have the song I was looking for. Time Of Your Life by Greenday. Because from experience, I’m sure life is always unpredictable, there are always ups and downs, you’ll never know what comes next. You have love, you lose someone precious. But in the end of it, you learn from it. Because what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Life is nothing but a journey. Which is why, at the end of it, when I’m on my deathbed, I want my last thoughts to say the I had the time of my life, before I pass into the afterworld. Which is why I chose this song, to remind myself that I should live my life to the fullest so that I can have the time of my life.

bad day? i guess.

just not in a particular mood to do anything at the moment.

cause ben spoiled my whole day
thanks ah.

med tech; is blah.
immunology; even more blah.

lord help me. lisa's bimboness is cute.

embarrassed myself in front of the class today.
and its only the first day of school.
joy.

i want more. somehow. it just isnt enough.

do you honestly think that by making someone up, you can find out what you wanted to find?
sorry. but this is just not the way it goes. its not the kind of person i am. because i'm smarter than that. i know that she isn't real to begin with. too many loopholes in your story to begin with.

if thats how you want to carry on and lie about everything. so be it. you can go and assume whatever you want. it wont affect me because i wont let it affect me. go and lie and deceive. do whatever you want. because your chance just came and gone.

its just sad how somethings turned out. and i thought it would be happily ever after for the both of them. maybe they should just sit this down and talk it through. and try to understand each other.
i'll be there if you need me sher. know that i'm always here.

she's an alter ego i've created.

school has started on a pretty good note so far i think. eye candy galore! especially in class. and i can't seem to stop glancing in sherilyn's direction.

nothing more than a lie.

and seeing him today just makes me wanna jump out of my skin to scream i love you. but that would never happen. considering who he is in school. mr popular. someone who knows everyone and is known by everyone. i'll have to keep my cool then.

i miss walking down the roads with you and laughing along with you.
i miss sitting down wit a drink and talk about absolutely nothing at all.
i miss the times where you just made me laugh for nothing at all.
i miss the times i made you laugh out loud.
i miss your stupid moments.
note to self; i miss you terribly.

i got school tomorrow.
i have no idea how to get to my class.
i got myself a new comic. ((:

i believe in love.
but i think its not meant for me.

Corbin Bleu is so hot! saying that i'm in love with him smile is totally an understatement.

Ben is a typical dirty-minded boy. because he has a leather thing that he puts his phone in right? so i asked him why is it so difficult to take out and then he replied "cause its tight." then he started laughing to himself. his laughter is infectious. he thinks that the milk tea in the hong kong cafe doesn't taste like the hong kong one.
i don't think he's even been to hong kong la.

we're all suckers. i'm sure ladies loved to be called beautiful.
if it sounds sarcastic then i rather not have anyone calling me that.
dont worry, i'll make it sound like music to your ears.
like you'll say i'm beautiful. you can't stop the music.
can. cause i'm lovestoned.
lovestoned? how can you be lovestoned?
i dont know. maybe you can give it to me.
huh? give you what?
gatsby.
maybe you need to go to rehab.
nope. maybe we can shut up and drive.
go figure.

things seem to have gotten weirder just like that. and i dont know what to do.

he said: "i need to know whats on your mind."

i'm not feeling any better. seriously.

going out with him today was good.
he followed me shopping.
i'm falling more in love with him.
i need to rest. and i need food.

great, i feel a fever coming on.
and with every step i take, i feel like i got no more strength to take another step.

so here i am, utterly tired. i can't even walk without wanting to just drop on the floor and sleep.
i guess there is a price to pay when you want to earn more money.
especially when you're working almost everyday and pulling shifts that might even end up more than ten hours.
the 12 hour shift on saturday? almost got me to kill myself.

i read your simple words to keep me up.
but they always have cryptic codes for me to solve.

i'm off to the gym on wednesday, and most probably going to work half dead on thursday. because my muscles are all going to be sore. i doubt that i can move an inch without contorting my face in pain. i'll have to endure it. because i want to be fit. and not fat.

because he constantly says that i'm fat.
i'm just chubby.

pay is coming in soon!
i'm off to get new glasses tomorrow.

and sher, i haven't forgotten about you. lunch tomorrow?
heck, i'll call you tonight and we'll see how?

missing you seems to be all i can do.

two more months until birthday.
then i can dance until i'm super fit. because dancing is an exercise.

THE JEWLER'S SHOP.

am i afraid of love?




i specially took a day off for a day like this. one that i have waited for weeks for. so i planned the day very carefully. i was supposed to meet Amanda and Audrey earlier in town first. but somehow, Amanda couldn't make it. oh boohoo. so i met Audrey anyway. and we had delicious hong kond food at far east. and we walked around trying to find toilets in hotels. Audrey and i have a plan now don't we? at the end of the year alright?

then Audrey had to go meet someone. so did i. but Audrey took hours in the toilet because she decided that she was so vain all of a sudden. i wanted to wait and meet her friend. but i didn't want to be late you see, and i needed some coffee.

Ben has a very bad sense of direction. full stop. and very bad handwriting too.
DINNER AT CAFE CARTEL, i think you all can see for yourself.


but poor Ben, with every bite of his steak, he had to spit out something until he only managed to eat half a steak or something. and he eats his veggies! ((:
but he got pissed off eating the steak.


the play was good. Laurie did very well. i'm so happy for her. and Desmond looked very fetching.


Ben just wouldn't stop complaining. and he get hungry really fast. he kept saying that he wanted to sleep, but in the end he watched the whole play. and then he said that he preferred plays to movies. kinda stupid right? we had supper after that, where the food really wasn't a good as we thought it would be.
he really should stop teaching kids bad stuff.
and he really should stop looking for ms polka dots and rihanna.
rihanna cooks cabbage though, maybe thats why Ben's so retarded. too much cabbage.

it was a good day. i need more days like this. with more comfortable shoes that wont make me cry.

what really is love?
feeling? passion? or decision?
or maybe you are love.

maybe its time to know whats real and whats make believe.

ohmygoodness.

i havent blogged in so long now have i?

i'm getting all excited about thursday, and i'm trying to get as much help as i can.
out with mr polka dots.
and with the lovely girls.

just one thing. i'm broke beyond mad. seriously. with five dollars and thirty cents in my ugly looking wallet. i want my furla wallet back. please!

dinner with shabs was amazing. it reminds me why i have friends like him. and how we pull through even though we dont see each other very often.

seeing sher is good too. ((:

its beyond words. thats why i hold on.